It happens all the time in life: You know someone intimately, well; you’ve been with that person innumerable times; you’ve seen and heard him or her in a variety of situations. So, when someone asks you “What’s he or she really like?” you have to offer words --- words of description. Sometimes, that’s difficult; sometimes, that’s simple. With our Ilana, it’s the easiest question in the world to answer.
Ilana Diane Smith was a young woman of great sensitivity. She was always conscious of the feelings of others, of their wants, of their needs, and always responsive to them. On one occasion, Ilana saw a young woman at the door of the store crying. Ilana went to her and spoke with her. When the woman gained her composure, she told Ilana she was having a radical mastectomy and did not know how to face it. Ilana put her arms around her and said, “I do. Come on in.” She fit the woman with all the things that would make her more comfortable with the surgery. But most important, it was Ilana’s caring that helped the woman, her concern for the woman’s emotional needs. Ilana reassured her that she was beautiful and would always be, despite removal of her breast. The lady left feeling stronger, feeling she could, indeed, face what was ahead.
You might think that Ilana could lose something of herself in her empathy. It can happen, you know: some people feel so much for others they destroy something vital of themselves in the process. But that wasn’t Ilana. Caring about others only strengthened her individuality. She seemed to be inexhaustible. She worked full-time as a nurse, helped build Fine Fittings, a family business important to women suffering from cancer, and cared for her husband and children, all at the same time. And she did it with a smile and a happy heart. Ilana touched many lives with her strength and energy, in her short time on earth. She was an inspiration to all who knew her.
She could adapt to very difficult personal situations; she would not allow herself to be defeated by them. Things that might cause others to give up only drove her to greater determination to succeed. She was a disciplined, determined young, woman. She would get up early every day and exercise at the gym before going to work. At night when she came home after work, totally exhausted, she would not go to bed until her house was back in order. She pushed herself to overachieve all the time. She worked very hard to earn her nursing degree and her license. And even at the hospice, during her last days, when she could no longer speak, she wrote a message to her friend: “I will never give up. Never!” She was determined.
And this determination could be seen in her work as a nurse as well. Her co-workers agree that her dedication to caring for her patients and doing it well and correctly brought with it a sense of confidence that made it a pleasure to be part of her responsibilities. One of her nursing team remembers this: Ilana wanted to learn how to access a porta cath. They went through the steps together carefully, and the next time Ilana had a patient with a port, she performed the procedure carefully. She called to have her work checked. When she learned she had performed the task perfectly, she was thrilled about having learned this new skill --- but what thrilled her most was a feeling that she could now teach her new skill to others. With Ilana, it was always about “others.”
Could such efficiency make a nurse cold and impersonal? Of course! We’ve all met medical personal like that. But our Ilana wasn’t one of them. It was not in her nature to be cold and impersonal. Her personality would not allow it. She was a warm and loving human being, someone who met people and life on the friendliest terms imaginable, someone who opened herself to others easily and fearlessly. Cold? Impersonal? Impossible!!
She was an inspiration. One nurse remembers: Whenever rounding on the telemetry unit I always looked forward to speaking with Ilana. She possessed such a positive, upbeat attitude. She knew just how to lighten the load of a stressful day through her kindness, teamwork, and cheerful laugh. Not to mention that big, beautiful smile! She exhibited all the qualities of a selfless person through her patience, compassion and willingness to always lend a helping hand, despite how heavy her nursing assignment was. She was an exemplary nurse and everyone who knew her would agree. And I will always remember Ilana’s beautiful relationship with Ben. They were such an amazing couple. The love they had for each other was so apparent to everyone around. The sweetness and respect they had for each other only inspires us to improve our own relationships. They stand as an example to all.
You know what that is --- when someone opens herself to others without the need to be defensive or apprehensive? We call that GRACE --- Grace under fire, the fire of living, though, not of fighting. And that kind of grace is elemental to this whole business of life. It brings with it the power of love; it makes one smile and causes smiles in others; it is the force within that can light a room. And Ilana’s presence did just that --- she lit up a room when she entered. There was a vivaciousness, a sense of happiness, about her that energized people, that made them smile and laugh and feel good about having her near.
You could sense that immediately about her. Here was a young woman, you would feel, who would never have a bad thought about anyone. Here was a woman not given to grudges or bad-mouthing, someone who brings joy to others. Here is a powerful, loving force, one of the blessings of nature. In this age of materialism, when things seem to offer status and short-term happiness, Ilana knew instinctively that family and friends, not pretty, expensive objects --- yes, family and friends --- are and will always be the principal source of happiness. Another co-worker remembers: Ilana was like a bright light shining in the darkness. Wherever she was and whatever she was doing, she exuded an amazing, positive energy that was so contagious, you couldn't help but to be happy too. It was her large, expressive eyes, her beautiful smile, her giddiness and sweetness that captured hearts immediately. She never complained or whined about the day or her patients or difficulties she was having. She always saw the silver lining in everything. She was the most selfless, caring and considerate person one could meet. She inspired others to be a better person and to never take anything for granted.
Yes, if someone were to ask anyone who knew our Ilana, “What was she really like?” it would be easy to sum-up all that can be said about her in one, simple answer: “She was a perfect, sweetheart.” But it would not be said in some off-handed way. It would be said in the true meaning of the word: Sweetheart --- Someone absolutely pure, someone with a sweet heart.
There have been many people with sweet hearts, and I’m sure you’ve known some, but no one has ever had one sweeter. That was our Ilana, one of the truest, sweethearts that has ever lived!!!
She will always be missed --- and never, never forgotten.
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