Birthday wishes. . .

Oh Lans. . .

We are fast approaching Mr. Andrew's 1st birthday on the seventh of December. While we cry for the loss of you, we, like you, are so thankful for this little man.

I remember talking about his birth with such eager anticipation. Life was going to be easier for you after he came, you would just be working as a nurse and a mom and you had six whole weeks off to enjoy this baby and family. Dreams were coming true. Never would we have imagined what the first year of this baby's life would bring.

taken January 1, 2011, Andrew three weeks old

2 days.. . 2 blissful days after he was born before your leg went numb and then went hyper sensitive and in pain . . then spread throughout your body. . . then diagnosis, treatment, more treatment. .

This picture is perhaps the very hardest picture for me to look at. This was just moments after you arrived home after your Stage four diagnosis. It was the worst day. You were sobbing in your bed when we brought this little guy in to you and somehow through your worry you smiled at him. It is hard knowing your worst fears came true. . you aren't here to raise and love these boys. It's all you wanted. We wish so badly we could have granted this wish for you.

You loved this baby so much. It is no secret that cancer can spread more rapidly when you are pregnant and yet, you never once questioned your decision to have this angel. You referred to him as your, "miracle baby" and your "angel baby." Throughout your entire treatment sweet little Andrew brought so much happiness. In those moments of fear, he'd look up at you with your same eyes and smile. He is just an absolute treasure and you said repeatedly that you were so thankful he came when he did and so thankful you had him.

I was holding him when you were diagnosed and when I got the call that you passed. What a privilege it is to hold him. . a piece of you and feel somehow that I am still helping you. We all feel that way about this special angel. Without question those boys are the best part of you. And like you, they are so easy to love.