Mommy loves you.

Yesterday Matthew came up behind my Jacob and checked his pants for a poop and said, "stinky!" Ben was here and we half laughed and half ached at his comment because we remember when he did that the first time how you laughed that glorious laugh where you roll your head back. Oh we miss it.

We were reminiscing about how comical you thought his mispronunciation of "shirt" and "sock" were- making them sound like a few famous four letter words. You delighted in these boys.

We just keep hoping and praying they will always know of your love for them and feel it. I finally developed a large picture of you for my house and I grabbed it with Matthew the other day. He said, "Mommy ! Mommy's eyes, mommy's nose. . mommy's mouth. . mommy's face!" I told him that mommy got sick and went to heaven but that "mommy loves you". . over and over again through teary eyes, "Your mommy loves you so so much... she loves you."

I sat in the sun yesterday at the park with the boys and it was gorgeous. A tree had lost it's leaves and Matthew and his cousins were having so much fun throwing leaves and digging in the sand box. Andrew climbed to the top of the kiddo jungle gym all by himself. I couldn't help but think how much you would have loved this gorgeous weather and so enjoy watching these boys. They are so unbelievably wonderful. You should be here. Matthew sure hasn't forgotten you, I like to think that it is because you visit him often.