I misinformed the other day. They never removed the tube from her nose. She was on a liquid diet but her belly started getting distended again. So now it's tube feeding and ice chips again.

The CT scan didn't show where the obstruction was so they are going to have a GI specialist take a look.

I guess the villi in Lans intestines have been killed by the chemo. They will grow back, but without them now she can not digest food quite right. So I understand she has the tube out of her nose and is on a liquid diet for a while.

I believe she is supposed have her second round of chemo next week. We had heard this is the most brutal form of chemo and after watching our girl we can can confirm it. It makes her first five months of chemo seem like Disneyland by comparison.

She poops! They still have the tube draining out her nose I guess and her belly is still a little swollen from what I understand. Hopefully she can get the drainage tube out so our girl can eat and drink again.

My girl

Sleeping beauty and her beautiful piggies.

I love Lans. I don't spend a second with her that I don't want to breathe her in. Tonight I got to breathe her in. Today was an "off" day for her, a little fluish and just a little down. She spent too much time apologizing for not being very much fun. What? Did she think I was expecting the circus? I told her if she apologized again I would slap her. I just want to be with her. She's missing her boys, feeling the weight of responsibility she wants so badly to own but is unable to touch.

So I gave her a foot massage, she was a little sleepy. She doesn't get much uninterrupted sleep. Nurses are in usually on the half hour and then the cleaning crew, etc. etc. But she talks to all of them with such kindness and they love her. They made her a big card welcoming her back from ICU and joking that "they hope we can get along better this time." :) How could you NOT just adore her?

She still has the drainage tube coming out her nose -pray her obstruction clears soon. She wants to drink water sooo badly but just gets to suck on ice chips. Lots of new tubes on my girl - a darling little puppet. She has to sit up too for the drainage to work, but it hurts her back to sit up.

Then we watched a movie. She's a rock star. I forgot my good camera, so the bad cell phone pic will have to do.

Food tube

I guess our girls energy is up a little bit with the feeding tube. Still no luck with the restroom, but they are still draining stuff through the tube in her nose. I guess the worry with a feeding tube is that it could possibly cause infection, but since our girl hadn't eaten in days it had to be done. I haven't seen her for about a week and am going tonight. Can't wait to see my girl!

I send her pics and videos of her boys all day long. They are so darn cute. Yesterday I am sure I caught her off guard when I sent her a picture of Andrews juicy baby butt. He is a massive baby now-with some seriously cute ghetto booty. He was just three weeks old in this picture above (New Years day). We took a large Smith family picture right before this at the park. I remember Lans wore her slippers on the walk over because the hyper sensitivity and pain in her leg and foot. I asked the photographer to give her a ride back in his car. We had no idea what was in store for our girl then.

I am not certain I am getting all these details right, but it was not an actual blockage in her GI tract, the wall of the Ileum was twisted. . or something like that. Regardless of my misinforming details our poor girl was swollen and in pain. Last night they stuck a tube down her nose, through her esophagus, etc and drained a liter or bile from her. Then they did another liter the next morning, and more since then. She seemed a little better this afternoon. She hasn't eaten in a few days I guess with all the issues she has had going on. She said she wasn't hungry because her stomach was so full still, but was parched but couldn't eat or drink with the tube down her throat. They were going to set her up for tube feeding tonight I guess.

So I talked to Lans mid day yesterday and she was feeling a little better. She was out of ICU and they put her back on the pain pump to help with her stomach issues. But by last night she had some sort of gastric blockage and had not been able to go to the restroom. Her poor belly looked like she was 9 months pregnant. I guess they have been able to drain some with a GI tube, but no luck as of this morning with using the restroom. There is nothing worse than watching someone you love suffer.

A few days ago Lans said to her mom something along the lines of, "I don't think I can do this anymore." Pam in an I'm-still-your-mother demand said to her "Oh yes you will! There are people who do this for six months, you have one more round of this chemo. You can and you will!" She is a rock. I am so thankful Ilana has her.

ICU again.

ICU, vomiting all night long.

Churning and pumping

Lans heart rate was back up so it was back to the ICU for our poor girl today. She called me on her transport to her room. "My stomach is finally starting to feel better now though." Her stomach has been in knots for days - not sure if it is from the chemo or that stomach bacteria she caught, but I'm glad she was feeling a little bit better.

On the bright side, I emailed channel 12 news today because they do a hero segment and I was hopeful they would spotlight her (thanks Della for the recommendation!). They emailed back with a few questions so hopefully they can do a piece on Lans and the store. She asked what they needed help with. Umm. . pretty much everything. Life keeps handing them lemons and they are trying so hard to make that darn lemonade! This lemonade needs some sugar dang it!!!!

Out of ICU

Thankfully they moved Ilana out of Intensive Care. I guess the room is tiny, the walls are peach and it's a bit dismal and depressing. She was snuggled back into her larger room when I visited tonight. Her stomach was in knots tonight and her spirits weren't quite as high as usual. Hopefully the bacteria will pass and she will be feeling better in no time. I really don't like watching my girl hurt.

Her cute little hair is growing in dark black, such a cute "lucky head" as Ben called it.

Heart rate stabilized

Lans heart rate is stabilized. They found she had a bowel infection and are treating her and the diarrhea is already a little better and her fever is a little lower.

ICU

Lans has been throwing up constantly today. Her blood pressure has dropped really low so they are moving her to ICU so they can monitor her better. Keep her in your prayers.

Spread the word!

Short term disability has run out for Lans. No income. Her employer is letting her keep her insurance but she has to pay for it. Medical bills are piling up. Ben and Lans opened their store a few years ago and each day it does better, but they draw very little from it financially at this point.

So they are hoping to rent out half of their house so they don't lose it. Renters would share the kitchen, but could have their own two bedrooms, one bathroom and one living room space - looking to rent it out for approximately $600. Their home is located in Surprise, AZ - cross streets are approx. Reems and Wadell. So spread the word if someone needs a place to lay their head for a discounted price! It's a beautiful home.

Lana's had some remarkable co-workers donate their PTO and some of the nurses at Del Webb hospital who have had her as a patient have also generously donated. So many remarkable people helping out and every cent has been appreciated!! If you are in a position to help and would like to make a donation to Ilana's kick-cancer's-butt fund you can call Banner Credit Union 602-253-3229 Account number: 51845.

So spread the word on clean pad, tell everyone you know about Fine Fittings and if you can send donations! Thanks friends!

Chemo overload

Lans has been receiving the hard core chemo for the last few days. When she received chemo initially (starting in January), they would hook up to her port for about 4 hours every three weeks. She is receiving this round of chemo for 4-5 hours a day for a four day period and will then start again in three weeks.

Her Bells Palsy is completely gone. And she is now wearing YELLOW socks. . . think red light green light - stop, go and PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Yeah Lans! She is still receiving the
"Drano" as well and the tech said when he extracted her spinal fluid it looked clearer so that is great news. She has had a lot of gastrointestinal issues . . mostly diarrhea that have been giving her some grief. And her white blood cell counts are down this morning so you have to wear a mask when you visit.

I haven't been lucky enough to see her since last Friday :( but I guess her visit with best friend Shyla boosted spirits and brought a twinkle to her eye. Childhood besties bring out the playful side of our youth.

Weekend love

I got to visit with Lans and Ben on Friday night. And I got to deliver the special socks from Tiffy too! Lans got a kick out of them.. . even did a little posing! Another good pick Tiffy!! I'll deliver it's matching counter part soon as it arrived yesterday.

When we were there Ben said, "I don't know what it is about being with Lana. . All day long my heart beats 100 miles a minute worrying about this sickness and the future. Just being next to her my heart rate drops to half that and I just feel so at peace. I can remember in medical school when I was studying so much and even though she was in the other room I just felt good. She would leave and I would be so lonely."

Watching my sis-in-law in pain has probably been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. I can only imagine what my brother is feeling. He calls her "Blumbly." We have all felt from the first time we met her that he found his perfect match. She speaks in movie lines. She is positive. She works so hard and she just loves him so perfectly.

Her best friend Shyla has been with her all weekend. I hear they are having the best time ever!! Lans said before she came, "I'm so excited to see her, but couldn't help but get a little teary thinking it is going to be like the movie Beeches." "Lans, it's not Beeches you doof!! She wanted to see her best friend and had a small window before school started!" She replied to my insult, "I know, I just saw her two years ago and we were so optimistic about life and our future and now I've got cancer and am walking around with a walker. . . it's just hard not to think how did this happen?"

Cancer sucks and we have all been wondering "why." Thankfully we have also been blessed with a lot of "How" can we help? and "What" can we do's? It's been challenging and yet breathtaking to see two families drop what they are doing and come together to get our girl better and to take care of two gorgeous little boy angels and our brother and son.

So often in life we are faced with trials . . . trials like this that are in no way a result of our actions or choices . . . and yet they hit us like a brick wall. And we are faced with choices. Do we choose anger or love? Do we choose to withdraw or to reach out? Do use this an excuse to give up or a reason to try harder? We choose love. We choose to reach out. We choose to stretch ourselves further than we imagined and try harder.

Gearing up!

So cutie lans has had a good couple of days. She got another round of chemo dumped in her spine(we'll call it "drano") today and my understanding is she will start with the hard core make-you-sick-to-your-stomach chemo on Wednesday. I guess they are going to continue giving her the Drano twice a week.

They have gotten her pain down to a 1 on a scale of 0 to 10 with continuous meds around the clock. But she has been pushing her pain pump pretty regularly (on 15 minute intervals). I guess the oncologist and the insurance companies are at odds. Insurance says "she's out of pain send her home," the doc says, "umm noooooo!" So I think they are going to try to get her back on pill form meds and see if she can tolerate the pain. They want to get her through her first round of hard-core chemo before they send her home for a few weeks and then bring her back again for the second round.

So my cutie sis-in-law Tiffy said, "if she has to wear red socks she should at least get to wear some fun ones!" I get to deliver these to Lans tonight from Tiffy. Lans is going to love them.

My sis-in-law Jaimee went to see Lans last night too. Lans cute little head had about 3/4" of cute hair on her head, but losing hair in chunks is a bit depressing so Jaim's shaved her head again last night to beat the chemo to it.

We are all super excited for Lans because her childhood bestie and beyond booked a flight this weekend to spend with our leading lady.

Our girl is loved. Jaimee said to me today, "You know I go to visit Lans thinking I want to be there for her, but I come away feeling so inspired by her. I am certain I get so much more from our visits than she does. I am just falling even more in love with her." Couldn't have said it better myself. She rocks!

chemo

So Lans had a round of chemo on Saturday and another round today. I forget the name of the chemo they used - but essentially they remove some spinal fluid (because the spine can only hold a certain amount of fluid) and then the inject the chemo directly in the spine. I guess this form is just for the spine so the side effects are not too bad. I am not sure what day she will start the hard core chemo, I understand it is tough stuff. . They will do two rounds and then they will do the bone marrow transplant almost immediately after.

Pam (Lan's mom) worked in a cancer center for a very long time and said the transplant is a tough recovery - probably a month recovery. Pam is remarkable. She completely put her life on hold when Lan's got sick. She moved in and has been there to take care of babies (she got up with Andrew pretty much every night of his life), she calmed fears, she held hands.. . Pam told me when Lan's was going through chemo "She is so brave. . I just look at her and am amazed by the person she is. I don't think it is just because she is my daughter either, I am certain I would feel the same way even if she wasn't . . she is just so brave and so strong." I am pretty sure I know where she gets it. And she is right, it is not just because she is her mother, Ilana is absolutely remarkable.

I love the look on Lans face with her mom, I feel the same when I lay my head in my moms lap. . there is a comfort that only a mama can give.

Drive

This picture was taken 2 months ago just minutes after they learned that the pet scan showed Lans to be cancer free. It was a truly magnificent moment filled with sobs of gratitude. . . can't wait for another moment like that.

Lans is just so positive and darn determined. She talks about her treatment like a daily to-do list. "I'm not going home until I'm better. I'm tired of saying good bye to the boys and packing up. I'm just going to do what it takes to get better and then go home for good." I love her determination. She is just so dang cute.

She loves visitors, even if she is tired or in pain she loves the comfort company brings. Every time I visit she asks if I can stay a little bit longer or wait until after radiation and when I am able to visit again. . . and I always wish I could just stay with her forever.

Biopsy updates

Lans with one of her nurses. Below she rode in style to radiation today- all red-socked and looking cute!
Sweet Tiffy, our sis-in-law in Indiana has felt rather helpless throughout Ilana's cancer trial. She has repeatedly asked me what she can do. . . today she sent Lan's this charm bracelet. It has a pic of Ben and Lan's on their wedding day and then a picture of both boys with charm letters spelling "life" in between the pictures. Lans LOVED it, it just gorgeous and she loved showing her babies pictures to the nurses. Slam dunk Tiffy!

We got the biopsy results for Lans this weekend. Her lymphoma has spread to her central nervous system- which essentially means the cancer is in her spinal fluid if I understand it right. Doctors say it is still treatable and are acting fast. She will finish her 10th radiation treatment on Wednesday. They dumped some chemo (forget the name) down her spinal column this last weekend. They won't do any further chemo until she is done with radiation. So probably next week they will start chemo again.. . and it is the hard stuff. After they are done with chemo they will start harvesting her cells to do a bone marrow transplant. I hope I am understanding all this right.

I spent the afternoon with her and being with her is always such a treat. Her pain (with help from meds) was pretty tolerable for a couple of days but was bothering her a good bit today. When I am with her I am always so confident she will be ok, her smile puts me at ease. She is just so brave and positive - truly an angel. She is pretty tiny right now.. weighing in at just 104 lbs. And lucky girl got a mild case of bells palsy - the perfect icing on a cancer crap-cake. ;) Soo extra prayers for our little worrier would be appreciated. I snapped a few pics today I'll post later.

The latest

I have A LOT of catching up to do, but wanted to give the latest updates. So after receiving a cancer free diagnosis just two months ago, Lans is back in the hospital. Her pain grew intense once again and she went back to the ER. A new MRI showed several bone lesions in her sacrum and pelvis and a few small ones on her lower lumbar. I really hope I'm not getting these details wrong. . . I'm not a nurse yet so it's all a bit Greek to me. She has been receiving radiation treatment and will continue to receive it daily until she has received 10 treatments. The radiation is supposed to help with the pain which on a scale of 1 to 10 was at a 9.5. But before it gets better it gets worse because it causes inflammation initially.

They ordered another MRI to look at her brain and spine. Brain is clear. There was one little spot on her spine. They did a needle biopsy to get a sample of that spot as well as some of the area around the bone lesions as well. Just got results back on those and they were inconclusive so she had to have another one today . . and my other sis-in-law said she could barely talk afterwards- it's painful stuff. If I understand it right the results will let us know what kind of cells we are trying to fight and what form of chemo will be used after radiation.

She is getting pain meds around the clock and when they are given in proper intervals it keeps her pain level at around a 4 or 5 (all these drugs for a girl who had never taken more than a prenatal vitamin). I think they were putting her on a pump which will keep the meds flowing regularly.

Our little yoga goddess has been laying so still that her muscles aren't bulging like they once were - she fell in the bathroom a few days ago so now they won't let her get out of bed without help. "I have to wear "the red socks" now" - a sign for the nurses to help her out.

In spite of all the serious crap she is dealing with that girl is still cracking jokes! A patient at their store gave her a little bear that both she and another cancer conqueror would rub for good luck. She said that after a very rough night she woke up in tremendous pain and grabbed the bear and started carressing it and pleading to it, "please take the pain away, I'll do anything you want!" She then jokingly rubbed the bear on her chest and thighs and started laughing her head off .. . only to turn to the bear a moment later and apologize for her behavior.

She joked about how often we say "I'm dying in pain" or "there must be a light at the end of the tunnel." ". .. I mean let's get one thing straight no ones dying and we aren't going near the light at the end of the tunnel! No light! No light!"

She half laughed and half cried that she was able to go all around the cancer floor "with a walker." I told her that she is not wearing the "Ooops I crapped my pants" yet so not to worry.

She is so special.

Love through cancer

Many of you know Ilana, many of you just wish you did because she is an angel. . a gorgeous, funny, hard-working, tough-as-nails angel. Hopefully we can use blog to keep you updated on a more regular basis on our cancer butt-kicking.

Lans (her nick name) worked seven days a week for the last several years. She worked 3 days a week as a nurse and 4 days a week at their store which oddly enough is a store for cancer patients (primarily breast cancer). I know, I'm beginning to wonder too -is cancer contagious!? WTheck! This girl was overworked to say the least. When she got pregnant with their second baby (surprise!) they arranged schedules so that Lan's could finally get a break and only be a nurse and a mom . . and a housekeeper. . . comedian, etc. Excitement grew as we waited for Andrew to be born. And at last the most perfect baby was born on December 5th. And he is perfect- never cries, always smiles, smells good, poops candy . . . PERFECT.

Two days later Lans' leg started going numb and they went to the ER, but it was assumed to be a side effect of an epidural or a muscular skeletal issue with readjusting pelvis after baby, etc. So they declined an MRI (because radiation causes cancer don't ya know?). Soon the numbness turned to hyper sensitivity where she felt like she was walking on needles. . then joint pain, back pain, all over pain! Her pain got so bad that she couldn't hold her 18 month old and could barely hold her new born baby. An MRI was finally done and she was referred to an oncologist. . . we waited for results hoping it was an auto-immune complication after having baby, but at the beginning of January she was diagnosed with Stage 4 non-Hodgkins lymphoma. We cried . . and cried a little bit more as we watched tears roll down her face as she had to be picked up and carried down the stairs because it hurt so much to move. . and then we picked up our swords and said "let's fight!" And we are an army. And we will win.