Andrew face

I love when Kayla brings the boys over.  While I am enjoying focusing on my already big load and four kiddos, I have loved having them in my life and preschool has been the perfect situation.  I get to squeeze on my babies regularly and spoil like an aunty should!  You have big shoes to fill Lans and I have always been better at spoiling these boys than disciplining them.  

 Because do you know how hard it is to say no to this face . . YOUR face?.  The face of our inspiration, our heart, our laughter, our longing, our loss .. your little mascot.  Your PERFECT little mascot.

 

 I just marvel at these little boys who somehow, someway - through change after change and trial after trial continue with big smiles on their faces.

They have always been our concern.. . with loss of their mommy, in and out of different family members homes, changes in nanny's, new girlfriends / probable new step mom. . . there have been so many changes in their short little lives.  I just keep crossing my fingers we have loved them through this and that a new normal can be established and maintained.  That they will keep your positive sunny personality.

 Perfectly content.  . .

Your daddy. . "because you love me"

Your sweet daddy sent me this note last week and I havee been delayed in posting due to company.  He misses his little girl  . .we all do.

"Becca, If you could , please put one of my most inspirational songs on the blog for my Mom, Dad and of course Ilana,  it has so much character, beauty and depth.  The song is "Because You Loved Me"  by Celine Dion. Love, Arnie"

What a blessing being loved by you has been to all of us. . .

San Diego

So this last weekend the whole Smith family, minus Josh's family, hit San Diego.  It was a special weekend for Rachel and Bryan as they got sealed this weekend (we don't believe marriage ends with death in the Mormon religion and in the temple we are "sealed" together forever).  Ben and the boys came too.  And I am sooo glad he came to support his sister who LOVES him and also for him and the boys to go on vacation!  He hasn't been since you guys went to Kohl's ranch I believe when Andrew was just days old and before we knew about your cancer.

It was good for those little boys to run and play on the beach with their daddy and cousins.  And let's just say they had a good time! The last time Ben had been to Coronado was with you about ten years ago.  

 He was there for his sister!

 Five of six of us were there together!

 And Ben took a little swim with dolphins. . .no biggie.  He's the guy on the left.

 The whole group!

 Marina and her boys have been visiting family in Russia for almost a month, we look forward to having her back home this week to get to know her better.

 Clearly Andrew was having a good time. . .I have less pictures of Matthew because he was too busy running after pigeons to stop and pose for pictures.  I LOVE how that little Matthew runs- he gets those little elbows swinging and it just melts me!!!

Such a wonderful trip!!!!  We missed you as always, but as always we know you were watching on!

Tired of potty training

Matthew might be even more tired of it than Kayla!  Hopefully third time is the charm!  I think she is going to attempt again next week.


And they like to help her cook too apparently.
Lans you seriously have the BEST little boys!
I think a more normal routine has been so beneficial for these boys.  They seem better adjusted than ever.  They are so good Lans.

Preschool!

Oh Lans, I so wish you were here with us.  Jaimee (sis-in-law), Kayla and I are doing a joy preschool with the boys and this first week has been so precious.  I just keep thinking how much you would absolutely relish in Matthew's delight.  I can hear your laugh and see your gorgeous grin just thinking about it!  If you were watching Matthew during circle time you know what I am talking about.  His outrageous enthusiasm for the letter "A" that first day was unmatched - "A says aaaaa, YEAH!!!!! clap clap clap scream YEAH!" all while jumping and raising his arms up to celebrate!

These boys LOVE being together and Kayla said he has continued asking when he is going back to preschool! Oh mommy you would be so proud.   

These new milestones just make us ache for you.  You should be here.  You would LOVE this.  I just have to remind myself that you are watching on.  Several of us have felt your presence - undeniably.  You are there watching on.  So I should ask you, "Wasn't Matthew darling today!?"  I can hear you saying, "Matthew you are such a guteness!!!!"  I can hear you.  I love you. 

Got Stickers?

Looks like someone was having fun with Nana.  Love this kid.