Hi mommy!

Lans, remember when this little man would just lay there patiently looking around, entertaining himself, never requiring being held.  

 Well those days are gone. .. this little man while still happy and curious, very much enjoys being held.  He likes the view from my hip better I guess.  Not that I mind,  holding him feels like I am holding a piece of you - he looks up at me with your face and crazy long eyelashes and I never want to let him go.

He also enjoys dancing on my coffee table, and my counter . . and any other naughty place he can climb.  This baby loves music too. He is always singing. .always!  When my cell phone song starts ringing, he is instantly busting a move to the music.  And I always think of you laughing at Matthew dancing. You must LOVE watching him grow.  I just wish he could hear your incredible laugh as he bounces buns up and down.

Your Three year old

1. When your little man went down for nap (aka finally fell asleep out of sheer exaustion in a weird place and awkward position) I got decorating for his party!  Boy was he excited when he woke up and saw balloons, noise makers, hats and cupcakes!!! "A party for my birthday!"  "balloons!"  
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7.  But he didn't quite like my decorations - so he did some rearranging of the balloons. . I think it looks so much better!
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9.  Daddy got off work a little early so he could play water balloons with a very anxious little boy!!
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14. He pretty much launched them one after another torpedo fashion.  Loved every second of it!
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19.  And An-juice enjoyed looking at his gramps quite a bit.
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21.  Then daddy helped him blow out his candles!
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23.  This was the third cupcake of the day (snuck the first, crocodile teared his way to his second)
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25.  And ice cream was thoroughly enjoyed
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27.  SEE!
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29. Cousins were quick to lend a hand opening presents!
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31.  And showed him the ropes.
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35.  Daddy stayed up a little late the night before but that didn't stop Andrew from sitting on him and singing happy birthday and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!
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39.  Then we enjoyed a little playtime with our pals and new toys!
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41.  It was a good day mama. . hopefully you smiled down on him and enjoyed the party. . . he was a very excited, very happy little boy.
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Just Ducky!

I decided to take our kiddos to the duck pond today for early birthday fun!  Matthew not surprisingly was tossing bread left and right and chasing ducks the second we arrived. 

 Andrew was a little unsure about it all- stayed comfy on my lap and decided to eat the bread rather than share it with the ducks!

 It was just a matter of time before Andrew joined his brother in chasing the birds away.. . .

Birthday Boy!!

Sweet Lans - Last week was Matthews birthday.  Things have been crazy and I near sobbed when I realized I had missed celebrating his special day.  I promised you that I would plan their birthday parties in ICU just two days before you passed.  And I already blew it!  So today we are belatedly celebrating his birthday with a party and will have more pictures soon on that one.  

But I wanted to record that last year on his birthday you had been given a cancer free diagnosis, but had a fever they couldn't explain and they had you go to the hospital to be monitored.  After 10 days in the hospital  and missing your little boys b-day, you were so mad!!  You wanted to be there for your boy on his big day!  And the moment you left the hospital a party was planned.  You were soo excited to have that party for him. You had the house decorated and spotless, pizza, family and you were most excited to give him a gigantic stuffed bear from Costco.  I will never forget your smile and you playing with him and laughing as he tackled his bear that was 3 times his size.  

I have pictures on my lap top that won't turn on - I'll get a new cord and post them some time.  You were wearing your red scarf hat and your green LIFE shirt from Tiffy.  You were so cute and so proud to be this kiddo's mama.  

I found this picture of your cutie from July 3rd of last year.  Can't believe your baby is three!!!

From your friend

Lans, it is so sweet to recieve notes from your friends from time to time. . . I got this one today.  You touched lives sweet friend.  


Hi Rebecca,
 
Just wanted to say hi and how wonderful your blog is and continues to be.  I used to work with Ilana at Thunderbird, but I was nightshift.  Even then I felt we had a good relationship.  Everytime I knew I was gonna get report from her or give report to her, I felt at ease.  She was an amazing person.........
 
We would always talk about our boys.....of course.  They were all close in age.....mine are 3 and gonna be 2.  I like to look at the blog and see how wonderful Matthew and Andrew are doing.  They're growing so fast!  
 
God Bless you and your family......
 
Bernadette Romero

Changes! Changes!

Sweet Lans this has been a busy month and some serious decisions have been made.  Ben with help from Bry and Rach and other family got the rental home all ready and beautiful.  Then your mom called and said, "We'd like to rent it!"  This is so ideal for your parents and for Ben.  Your poor mom has had an insane commute - driving from my house to Bens house to pick up the boys, then she would bring them to my house and then drive back to the store, then home again after work - at least 3 hours on the road. . ugg.  This will be a GOOD thing!!  So she and your daddy have been taking a load a day to the new house and hope to move the bulk of the house out by this weekend.  Your mom is sooo happy to be close the store and your boys.

While Erin and her boys have been helpful, it has become clear in recent months that Ben needs full time help with the boys.  So starting July 1st a full time nanny will be moving in and taking your boys during store hours so Ben can catch up and then get ahead at the store.  This means I won't be watching the boys a few days a week - which is so bitter sweet for me.  Life is so busy and juggling six kiddos has had it's challenges, but my goodness I love your little boys sooooo much. I will have to set up many play dates with the nanny so I don't have serious withdrawals and can also snag some pics and keep up this blog!  Hopefully this will be a smooth transition.

In addition Ben has been on a few dates.  He has gone back and forth from wanting to fill a huge gaping hole in his heart and life to feeling like it is pointless because he has only wanted you - he is madly in love with YOU. Guilt for even thinking of moving on.  longing for companionship.  sadness.  hope. . he's felt it all. When I talked to him about it I recalled you completely unwilling to talk about "IF" you lost your battle with cancer - you refused to accept the fact that you wouldn't be here.  BUT the ONE thing you did address, "If I don't make it, I would want you to remarry."  You know Ben, you know he needs companionship.

Miss you always- shine on us. .

Water fun!

Your little ones love the water. We had a water fun day at aunt Jaimee's and have also enjoyed the splash pad as well.  

 I could photograph your boys all day- they are so stunning.

jumpers, talkers, singers and poopers

Well Lans, your littlest man is quite the ham these days - not to mention brilliant, huge and a singer too!   He is awesome on our trampoline these days- he loves it!!  

And he is a little talker too - he talks so well AND he sings too!  He can sing Twinkle, Twinkle all the way through.  He is still just so content. He loves your mom, "Nana."

 And he LOVES his daddy!

 And his cousins. . lots of cousins.

But I have a question for you:  What would you do if your little Matthew took a monster dump in his drawers and when you came back from getting diapers and wipes you find him like this. .. fast asleep with poop in pants.  Those tough parenting questions ;) when I think "what would Lans do?"

He doesn't want to take his naps these days  . . but is not quite ready to phase out his naps.  So this results more often then not in him being found in uncomfortable places in uncomfortable positions all over my house.  

Relay for life. .

Your sweet friend Helen just posted this on facebook.  In your honor she is doing relay for life.  This is the second illuminary that has been lit for you so far.

I remember how much you adored Helen - I loved when I first met in her Connecticut in residency- you mentioned many times how grateful you were to have her.  She continued to visit you often when you moved back to Phoenix, was here just days before you passed and then came again with Julie to honor you and brought your boys beautiful memories of you. . .

Gone but NEVER forgotten.

Pics from Erin and grandma

Eric was kind enough to text me some pictures of the boys.  This pic of Matthew in glasses is to die for.

 Blaze and Matthew playing video games!

 Sweet eye lashes

 Fun time grandma - I think this is when they colored Easter Eggs!