My Visit

She was frustrated after taking the picture that she didn't have the strength to give her normal smile. . . I think she is just stunning.
I hadn't had the privileged of seeing Ilana for a few weeks because I had bronchitis and didn't want to share. I needed to see her and fortunately my husband was able to rearrange church meetings last night so I could be with her.

Being with her is so bitter sweet. Yesterday when I arrived outside her room I could hear her talking to her nurse with sobs of pain. My heart broke. As I held her hand, tears streamed down her face as she spoke through her excruciating pain in a near whisper and voice breaking, "Why is this happening to me? ... I miss my kids . . . I need to be with my boys."

She had been in extreme pain for almost 3 hours before they could give her more medicine to help with pain. While seeing someone you love so much hurt is absolutely gut wrenching, Ilana continues to amaze and inspire me. I see this girl who's physical strength is gone, unfortunately not strong enough to stand on her own, but she lays there with all the kindness in the world: a silent warrior - eyes closed, tears streaming down her face, firm grip on her bed rail. She is working so hard to get better and to be strong for her family. She is my hero. And she is radiant. Chemo, no make up. . . doesn't matter, she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Her inner beauty truly shines through. Every moment with her I treasure. I can't wait until she is better and we can play like we used to.

I took the boys over to see her this morning. I made Matthew shake his booty for grapes. Ilana loves when he dances :) Andrew just sat there in his perfect chubbiness. They had to take her for the spinal chemo just moments after we arrived, so it was a short visit but I am certain the boys were so happy to see their mama.