Trouble

I hadn't watched your little Andrew for a week due to our move. . . it's amazing what a week can bring. TROUBLE. Your little monster is mobile lady! And curious! And determined. We had close to 100 near death experiences yesterday. Our new home has stairs and I don't have a baby gate yet. Some how this little monster maneuvered his chubby bod through about 20 different blockades. :] He also enjoyed slamming my computer keyboard up against the wall and had a fun time dancing on the edge of my patio table outside. Yikes.

Not to be outdone, Mr. Maa- who also wanted to "help" and was kind enough to unload a bottle of windex on my computer and dump nails all over my living room. Isn't he a sweetie?

I love your boys. They are keeping us busy, but they are so innocent in their crazy. They are so special Lans.

Moving on

Sweet Lans, we got a house after a long, long year and a half of looking. And we are thrilled for this new opportunity. But I must admit I have had moments of deep sadness over leaving a home that you were in with me. And even more, crazy sadness over selling my old worn out sectional.. . because when you were going through chemo you would come over and lay on it, and sleep on it, and hold Andrew on it, and watch and smile at Matthew from it, and laugh with me, and watch movies with me on it. And you laughed hysterically during white elephant gift exchange on this couch.

I talked to your mom after New Years day and she said how hard it was starting a new year without you and how rough that day was for her.

And it's hard when I meet new people and they don't know you. I could talk for hours about you, but they will never know what they could have learned and felt if they were with you for a few short minutes.

Each milestone met. . . each goal achieved . . . comes with just a bit of sorrow that you aren't here by our side. Perhaps though you are by our side . . just not in the flesh.

Forever Young

Happy 34th Lans. . . or should I say 33 and holding? You will forever be young Lans. Our memories of you will always be full of your gorgeous healthy smile, your stunning skin, your youthful laugh, beautiful muscular body and an undaunted zest for life.

We had a party for you Sunday at the park by your house with lots of Brown and Smith family members. We sent you notes and confessions of love via balloon. . we just hope you got them in time for your big day today- a few digital copies for you below.

There was lots of laughter and a few tears. . .we long to be with you.

above: your niece Lauren

Grandma and Grandpa Smith

Mom and Sis-in-law Jaimee

Grandpa Greg, your love, and me your sis-in-law

Nephew Aaron

Your number 1 Dad

Jessica, baby Miles and mom

Kindred cousin Jessica shared your birthday . . she and her family made the long drive from Tuscon to celebrate you. You two were so close.

Ben and Jonny

Josh, your daddy's big brother adopted son of nine years. Such a great kid.

The Filharts. .. my sweet cousin who lost her brother just a year before we lost you . . also to cancer. So supportive throughout your treatment and through our loss.

Your earthly angel.

Your nieces Alexis and Elizabeth

Your nephew Dallin

Sis Hillary's cutie Christopher

Aunt Wendy/ photographer. . also came from Tuscon with lots of love.

Ben writing you his personal birthday love note. . .

Your daddy said a few sweet words in your honor before we sent you our notes. .

Sis Hilary and Christopher

Erin and Blaze

Caden, who said, "It was just LUCK that we found Ben." :]

Jessica's handsome oldest son, good looks run in the fam. ..

Happy Birthday Lans. . .I hope parties in heaven are as wonderful as I imagine. I am certain you were surrounded by at least as much family and loved ones as we were on your big day. . miss you always.