Christmas open house

Today your parents hosted a great open house at their new beautiful place.  The food was delicious and the company even better.  Unfortunately my pictures are awful, but I was blessed to see your parents, your sis, your nephew, aunt Joanie, Aunt Wendy, friends and more.  You have the best family!  I had a great time talking with your Uncle Allen for the first time too.  It is not hard to see when I am surrounded by your remarkable family just how you became you - not sure if it was nature, nurture or a killer combo of the two. . but you had no choice but to be remarkable, hard working, loving and optimistic - or they might not have let you stick around!

 GREEN CRAP!!! Your favorite!!  Love this stuff!!

 And your daddy with his big guns and big turkey knife!!!

Your Aunt Wendy said she still checks this blog every morning. . boy did I feel so sheepish I was so behind!!  Tis the season for ca-razy!!!

I stopped by your old place for the first time in months and months!!  You wouldn't believe everything Ben and Marina have done- from furniture to Venetian plaster to paint - to new flooring. . they are going to town I tell ya!!  It might not be quite your mansion in the sky but it is looking just gorgeous.  They are anxious to see Marina's boys who fly in tomorrow!  They are ready to feel like a complete family unit.  Did I tell you that Marina is expecting a little boy?  Ben thought for sure it was a little girl, but God has other plans I guess.  Must admit I never though Ben would have more kiddos than the rest of us!  I can't wait to meet this new squishy soul!!

Christmas Family Time!!

This year Lans we have be blessed with Josh (Ben's Bro) and T Iffy and their girls in town! It had been two years since their last visit- shortly before your diagnosis.  So we have partied it up!  And sadly did not capture any photos from the party last weekend where we celebrated Ben's birthday!  I'm losing it!

But this weekend we had our annual Nativity with the kiddos where we sang and read Luke 2.  Andrew was not overly thrilled about the whole costume thing, so Matthew represented your fam as one of the three wise guys.  He did such a great job at his part mama. 

 With the help of these angels, how could he not?

 5/6 siblings were here and some of our first cousins as well with their kids.

 I go nuts for wise man butts.  Andrew took a look at baby Jesus too. . .:)

It was a fun night full or hymns, food, family and laughs!  I love our family!!

Kidnapping fun!

So the wonderful thing about having a long-time friend (Miss Cynthia)  watching your boys is that when I am just aching for them, I can stop in to her house and love on them or steal them for a bit!!  

My J was so excited to see Matthew and Andrew!  We started our date with a little picnic in the park.  The boys had so much fun, but it was one of those moments for me when missing you just hurt a little more than usual and I just watched those gorgeous boys of yours with tears streaming down my face.  They have so much of you in them, and truthfully the best of them was the best of you!    Matthew got your inner energizer bunny and just runs around a million miles a minute with a smile on his face laughing like crazy. And An-juice of course your sweet face and your peaceful countenance.  He is such a gentle giant that boy of yours!!!  

I so enjoy being with them.  

 Then we decided to go and see Santa.  Andrew was  a little bit timid, but Matthew hopped on up.  When Santa asked if he was a good boy he said, "Nope!  I'm a bad boy!!" then proceeded to laugh that darling euphoric giggle - such a funny monkey pants!  Santa gave them some candy cane so I brought him back to Cynthia all covered in sticky!  Whoopsie!!  I love your boys!!!  Be proud mama!  They are doing sooooo well!!  

Special birthday coming up!

Marina just sent this darling text:

"Andrew and I having a special "One on one" day due to his coming birthday.  We went to the store and he picked his toy, now we are in the restaurant having a special lunch :).  I had this tradition with my boys, each gets a special day for their birthday and I am going to continue this with the little ones and probably include Ben. . . if he will behave. . hahaha. . . "

"We are trying silly faces :)  He is adorable. . . no doubt about that!!!"

Happy turkey day!!

Your parents joined the Smith family again for turkey day!  Aren't we so lucky?!  How blessed you would have felt to have been surrounded by TWO families!  Last year this time we were lost without you . . . a big gray cloud hung over us as we sobbed to the recording of my cousin and Aunt playing Amazing Grace at your memorial service.

I think this year can best be described by this quote, 

"The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired." - Robert Southey

While life has continued . . . even with moments of hope and brightness there will always be in us a deep longing for you and ache for your loss. 

 I actually spent most of the day with my in-laws but had to drop in to see the Smith and Brown party as well.  I arrived to song!  My mom had the whole pad singing Christmas songs :)  It was lovely. . did you know your old man can sing?!

 The cutest little musician!

 Marina had all your boys looking snazzy!  She's taking good care of them!

 nana Snuggles

 Your good looking parents :)

 This Mr. Andrew is a baller mama!!  Your gentle giant baller!!  And daddy and his mini-me. :)

I hope you are having fun up there.   Being with your boys and parents always makes me feel closer to you. . I think you watch over them closely.   

One Year

Your sweet parents were kind enough to invite us over to their house on Sunday, close to the anniversary of your passing.  For months Ben didn't want to take your clothes out of drawers or closets because then he would feel even more alone.  But the time came to go through your things.  Your sweet parents were kind enough to include us in this process. 

 Lots of delish food and always the best company!!

 Your sweeties playing on grandma's pirate ship bunk beds!

And then the fun began. . . first up your prom dress and high school prom picture.

 Even then you were sporting a cutie bald head . . . by choice not by chemo :)

 An Juice was especially helpful with grandma Betsy.

 You wore this cute pink dress when you graduated from nursing school.

 Tiffy made these cute shirts.  We couldn't find your favorite one that said, "LIFE" and was green.  You wore it all the time . . probably somewhere around Ben's house.

 You wore this little black dress with your red gorgeous scarf to see AZ Broadway theater.  I thought it was for your ten year anniversary, but your mom said it was for your birthday.  

 Bubby gave this fun sequin dress to you. . . I don' think you had a chance to wear it.  Your mom got a kick out of it.  I bet you and Bubby had fun watching our exchanges on that one.

 You wore this cute pants suit on your honeymoon to the Poconos.  

 One of your favorite skirts.

 Aunt Joanie and Wendy came too!  Wendy took this sweet baby girl outfit home. . your cousin Jessica wore it first before it was handed down to you.  Bubby made it.

 Your mom's friend and Leukemia survivor was there for the fun and tears.  I am so thankful that her cancer is currently under control. . . so thankful Diane is enjoying health.

 You wore this dress to talk to the doctor when your pain started coming back again . .  .

 Jaimee and I enjoyed a few tears and memories over clothes we bought with you and for you.  Jaimee got you this cute hat.

 Your mommy had been trying to figure out your head scarf for a few days apparently  . she thought maybe it was a fancy tube top.  You wore this to Rachel's wedding with my cute black and white striped dress. .  we were going to put it on you for the viewing to go with it, but we loved your spiky hair.

 We all took turns reading a few pages from your journal.  I got through one page and it made me so teary.

 Surprise, surprise. . Lans has some silver leather pants!  Your mom got a kick out of this ensemble we couldn't imagine you wearing either of.  My friend Andrea had given these pants to me 10 years ago and I passed them on to you.  It is funny you had them in the closet all those years.

 Your daddy and his sweet loving sisters. . . he wore his shirt just for you.

 And grandma and sweet Marina, who was so kind to come and honor your memory.

 It is always so bitter sweet to think of you. . . how is it possibly we can smile and cry all at the same time every time I think about you? Sunday was no exception.  You amaze Lans.